LOVE OF MY LIFE
I am going through one of the days when I have come to the
point of losing everything in my life. I can say it is one of the worst days of
my life. When a person is enlightened, it can be the worst and cruelest day of
his life. Self-awareness can result in pain, because one is never satisfied.
Perhaps because he wants more, he is disappointed every time he sees himself in
the mirror. but sometimes I think, sometimes it is not because of the war you
are fighting for yourself to get disappointed. you suffer from pain to suppress
your shame towards humanity.
Imagine if it would be a shame for a spider man who was born
to eat, drink and sleep all the time, the things you set for yourself also make
you spider-men. I cannot fly the spider man inside myself and I cannot
understand why I came to this world every time I see myself. It feels like my
disappearance won't make a difference. I'm in pain of this
Architecture was a natural science that had somehow been at
the center of my life since I was born. I noticed this in my adolescence and
got into its education but there was a gap between what I found in its
education and real architecture. Its unmotivation drove me into depression and
I still can't get out. It feels like I'm living my life for nothing.
Imagine that this time I fell in love with a science, not a
man or a woman, and I have been since I was born. And when I don't open up
enough to me, I feel left out and not let in. This situation makes me very sad.
But to be honest I don't know if I have made enough effort for this love, maybe
that's why it doesn't lift its veil. There is a lot I want to learn about it. it
is mine. I feel. should be mine but I can neither learn nor approach it. this
is very bad.
What to do to remove a veil of love?
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